bec: im gonna mix a can of red bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while kids by mgmt plays in the background so i can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul
vivian: [me on a date] anyway that’s every reported eyewitness account of mothman through ‘68, and that’s just in west virginia! ha ha but enough about me let’s hear about your top five cryptids
wendy: Me as a doc:
nurse: THE PATIENT NEEDS OXYGEN
me: (moves a plant next to the patient) :D!
nurse: DOCTOR THIS IS NOT THE TIME
carrol: "It’s okay, you’re going to be okay. You’re all safe, none of you are getting paid."
- Our Ranger/Party Leader after single-handedly saving and nursing the rest of the unconscious party back from the brink of death.
Jeremiah: Fuck u @future me because ur probably still procrastinating ur essay dumbass
fuck u @ past me….. u were right
Jason: reddit is bad. tumblr is bad. twitter is bad. only perfect place on the internet is the old friends senior dog sanctuary facebook page
Sam: I hate when teachers leave a ’?’ when they grade my work. Like mate I dont know whats going on either.
Sheila: picks u up princess style
slam dunks u into the trash
Eric: humans are so Loud and for What
Lilian: youtuber: WHAT is up everybody, itcha boy back again
me: youre no boy of mine
Yeva: me??? upset???? yes constantly
Harvey: Spoiler alert: adulthood is 96% of you going “well, I hope this is how it works and I’ll keep doing it till someone yells at me”
Ralphie: “its dark im scared”
dont worry bae i got this
sketchers light up