this is literally the best idea
Py: "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?"
Evan: "Friend Who Sent Link To 8-Minute YouTube Video Must Be Fucking Delusional"
Aleks: "Badly Injured Man Not Done Partying Yet "
Mikey: "School Bully Not So Tough Since Being Molested"
Bennie: "Alcoholic Father Disappointed In Pothead Son"
Them as a group: "Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High"
Oscar and Owen: "Drug Use Down Among Uncool Kids" and "Secondhand Smoke Linked To Secondhand Coolness"
Avery: "Stoner Uncle All The Kids' Favorite"
Skiv: "Ironic Porn Purchase Leads To Unironic Ejaculation"
Joey: "Breakfast In Bed Served To Mom Who Just Got Eaten Out"
Otto: "New Dog Digs Up Old Dog"
Xoyia: "Quiet Loner Really Comes Out Of Shell At Gun Store"
Paris: "Fucking Loser At Movie All By Himself"
Atlas: "Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day"
Issa: "Lance Armstrong Wants To Tell Nation Something But Nation Has To Promise Not To Get Mad"